Reckless Serenade.: febrero 2013

viernes, 8 de febrero de 2013

Summers Suck

Since December 7th, I've been officially on vacation, which was supposed to mean working out, going out, shopping, my birthday, x-mas, new years, and other great things. Sadly, it ended up being me eating in my room, with almost no contact with the outside world whatsoever, no clothes, the crappiest birthday of my entire life, an even worse christmas and nothing good. Admittedly, I enjoyed new year's eve.
Anyway, I feel so shallow and full of crap right now, I've always hated myself but never to the point of needing to hurt myself badly. I miss my scalpel, yesterday I fantasized about cutting my thighs and arms, and I liked it. Which is my point exactly, I am full of crap. I even want to be bulimic, just to look good, because I don't see any other way of accepting myself, and let's face it, nobody else does anyway.
My mom just told me I always waited for things to come my way: clothes, a boyfriend, friends. I guess I don't want that, at all. I don't want a boyfriend, and I don't want new friends, I want my old life back badly, and I want it now. But since I can't do anything at all to get it back I'd rather sit around and cry, because that's just how pathetic I am.

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If there's one thing I've learned is that we're being guided, and signs lead the way.

The question is, where do you start looking for them?

Signs of course can be good or bad, but they should never be ignored.

Signs don't always mean what we think they do. They can after all be confusing, especially in today's world where we're constantly bombarded by them. Still it's up to us to interprt them the best way we know how. It's called survival.

Unfortunately, waiting for the right sign to come along can be frustrating, wich is why sometimes you have to make the signs come to you.

On the other hand, some signs come to you even when you wish they wouldn't.

And some signs, though seductive, should absolutely not be followed.

When you're in a hurry you can't be too picky about the signs. As long as it causes a few sparks, what more can you ask for?

Unfortunately, not every spark is a positive one.

Of course, in the cosmic scheme of things, signs tend to balance eachother out.

For instance, when one says "closed", another one says "come on in".

Sometimes signs are so obvious only a fool could miss them.

It's not easy starting new lives, following new signs, especially when the old ones keep getting in the way.

Signs can come at any time and from anywhere, but when you get one, you have no choice but to follow it, even if it leads you right into danger.

Some times, signs are subtle, easily missed, but if you're lucky enough to catch them, they tend to send you in the right direction.

On the other hand, if you miss them, they can bite you in the ass big time.

I's funny sometimes where signs lead you rarely where you thought you'd go, but always where you belong.

I discovered that, just like Alice, no matter how wild the ride, signs will sometimes lead you right back to where you started from... changed, different.. but.. home.